‘Twas the Night Before Christmas…With a Twist


‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through Chez Gainey,
Not a creature was stirring, but Cooper, Sophie and Kasey.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Well lit by Dan’s talents with LED flair.

The puppies were nestled all snug by the fire,
With visions of milk bones they hoped to acquire.
With I in my jammies and Dan in his, too,
We’d just settled in for a cocktail or two.

When out in the ‘hood there arose such a clatter,
Coops and Sophie sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the sunroom I flew like a flash,
As I know the dogs’ penchant for barking is rash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen rain,
Gave a luster of mid-day to Southside’s terrain.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the UPS man, all loaded with gear.

With a spritly old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment in had to be Nick.
More rapid than eagles he flew up the stairs,
As he whistled and shouted, and grumbled his cares.

Now Gaineys, now Gaineys, come open the gate please!
I’m tired, I’m cranky, and, oh, my aching knees.
Why do people think living up so high is the craze?
Oh, dash away, dash away, crazy dogs- of all days!

He was dressed all in brown from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all covered with rain drops and soot.
A bundle of packages he held in his arm,
And he looked like the season’d made him lose all his charm.

The stump of a cigarette he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a kind face and a little beer belly,
That shook when he laughed like Grandma’s grape jelly.

He was grumpy and tired, a right curmudgeony old elf,
For surviving the stairs and not hurting himself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let me know there was naught to be said.

He spoke just a few words, going straight to his work,
He pulled out some boxes and turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger aside of his nose,
Had me sign for our packages filled with shoes and new clothes.

He sprang to his truck, as the dogs gave a bark,
And off he drove quickly toward George Ward Park.
But I heard him exclaim
‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Put in an escalator or next year use Federal Express!”
Merry Christmas from Chez Gainey!

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