My summer of positive changes is going well; I am down fifteen pounds and am learning a lot about myself. I am also making much better choices- not perfect, but so much better than I was before. I had reached a place in which I felt hopeless and out of control where my weight and fitness were concerned, and now that hopelessness has been replaced by determination and excitement. No matter what the scale says in the end, I know that I am creating habits that will give me a better quality of life- and that is the most important goal.
I can tell a difference in my breathing when I exercise and when I play clarinet, and I could wear a favorite pair of jeans yesterday (not goal jeans, but it still made me happy). I have also had colleagues and friends begin to notice the difference, and that just feels good. The difference this time around is that I don’t feel deprived- if I really want something, I have it…just a lot less of it. The more I get into this new way of thinking, the more I want to make better choices about how I fuel my body, because I am more aware of how what I eat affects how I feel. I am drinking a lot more water, and am faithfully tracking everything I eat and drink on Myfitnesspal…it is eye-opening to see what I can comfortably survive on compared to what I was eating before. Emotional eating has always been a foe.
Yesterday brought sad news…my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer (caught early, thank God), and I found out that the woman I call my ‘Yoga Mom’, a wonderfully feisty eight-four year old African American woman who was in all of Dan’s yoga classes and worked out every day at the Y, passed away Sunday after a battle with pancreatic cancer. I am running a 5K race on Saturday, and am dedicating my run to my best friend being cured, and in memory of my Yoga Mom. With every step I will feel gratitude for my loved ones, and for the gift of being able to run….a month ago I wouldn’t have believed that I could attempt it seriously. I won’t be the first one to cross the finish line, but I will cross it- and that is winning to me.