With the death of my friend John, I have been trying my best to help his partner Wayne through this time of grief- and a time of having a house full of friends and family here to comfort Wayne and celebrate John’s life. I remember keenly how I felt when Mom died; the disbelief, the numbness, the overwhelming waves of grief that rocked me to my core. The kindness that friends showed to me during that time helped me to survive.
Wayne has always been the person who takes care of everyone else. If you are ill, he shows up with one of his amazing homecooked Southern dishes. He offers to help, offers words of comfort- and always a funny story punctuated by his signature burst of laughter. Now Wayne is the one in need, and while it is difficult for him to be on the receiving end, it has been beautiful to see friends flock to him to offer their own contributions of food and support.
For those of you who know me or who have followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I am not a cook. I can bake pretty well, but have never mastered nor truly enjoyed the art of cooking…thankfully my husband has a passion for all things culinary. I have found it almost amusing that I am compelled to cook for Wayne, reverting back to some Southern gene that must reside in the back recesses of my brain that turns to Betty Crockerism when hard times fall. Betty would be proud of me- I’ve gone into culinary overdrive since yesterday; white chicken chili and a huge batch of Tollhouse Cookies, followed by lasagna and peanut butter cookies. I can’t seem to resist the overwhelming urge to protect Wayne (an amazing cook) from having to deal with a hungry hoard at his house as he grieves the loss of his soulmate.
I think back to growing up; when tough times or good times happened in our very Southern home, food was always the answer. Illness, death, celebration? Casseroles, cookies, cakes, quiches. Southerners know how to comfort people with comfort food, for sure.
And so I will cook and and I will bake, hoping that the love put into the dishes I make will balance out any deficiencies in technique. All I know is that I want to help, and this is what I can do right now.
I have created a GoFundMe page, ‘Little John, Big Heart’ to help Wayne with the costs associated with John’s final arrangements, medical bills, and lost wages from his time taking care of John. If you are so moved, please consider donating or just sharing the page. Thank you so much.
The View from Here 
When I think of the definition of “friend”, I will always think of you…….
John is looking down on you, Denise, and saying “thank you”, for taking care
of Wayne, during this time.
Your gift of helping others, is inspiring.
Thank you for sharing.
I really appreciate that, Catherine- thank you. This has been such a sad time, but I am grateful for the gift of friendship, and glad that Incan help. He would- and has- done the same for me and so many others. ❤️