I wasn’t feeling so well this evening- some of it was physical, but mostly I think my heart was hurting. Hurting from watching too much news, hurting from thinking of some dear friends going through loss and heartache. I know that life is not meant to be perfect, and I do my best to look for the good and be Pollyanna most of the time, but sometimes…sometimes I just need to think through things and feel what I need to feel.
I finally wised up, turned off the television and took the pups with me up the stairs to the top deck for some quiet and perspective. Dan was still at the theater, and I found myself needing some time to disconnect from the outside world and go inside to reflect and chew on things. I asked myself why I didn’t do this before- why do I put off coming up here on a beautiful evening like this?
I find myself getting stuck in ruts, doing the same things day after day- the definition of insanity. When I finally have an epiphany of sorts as I did this evening, I am always astounded that I didn’t see the solution – or at least, the therapy- sooner. The top deck is one of those special places for me where things just seem to come together. I especially love early mornings, twilight, and nighttime, but anytime of the day or night has its own beauty and its own magic.
There is something about staring out at the cityscape, really only a mile down the hill, but seemingly so far away, that calms me. It is an oasis from the often hectic pace of our lives, a time out from reality for a bit. It’s what many people have called a “million dollar view” in a neighborhood that is anything but that. Our little castle in the ‘hood.
I may not fix my problems or come up with any solutions up on the deck, but rarely do I ever descend the steps not at least feeling better, perhaps coming to some peace about whatever it is that is rattling around in my brain. That in itself is worth the world to me.