For many years I have had recurring dreams in which something important is about to be revealed to me, but I wake up right before I discover what it is. I never fail to feel a strong disappointment upon waking, as it is clear that whatever I’m about to learn is pivotal to my growth as a person. In the wee hours of this Christmas morning, I finally received the gift of completing the dream and- hopefully- learning the lesson.
It seems that I have been searching for something for a long time now, something to help me move forward. It is not at all that I am unhappy with my life- quite the contrary- but aren’t we all on a mission to grow and improve on some level? I’m not even sure exactly sure what it is that I’m seeking; it’s similar to the feeling of having a word on the tip of your tongue that you can’t quite bring to the surface. Frustrating, but you can’t stop trying to draw it out. I guess that my mind has been busy at work on helping me work through the maze.
In the dream, I was surrounded by people dear to me, but in an unfamiliar place. I knew the place was supposed to be home to me, and I was checking the perimeter to make sure we were all safe and snugged in for the evening. Something drew me around a corner, and as I approached I felt a prickle of fear.
I rounded the corner alone and faced a door, one that I noticed had no locks, only a doorknob. The door was slowly opening, and I was filled with terror at what I was about to see. I felt something against my hand, but I resisted; I had to know what was on the other side of that door. The pressure on my hand persisted, but I ignored it as the door finally opened fully. There was nothing there. Nothing to fear.
I awoke with Dan looking into my eyes in the darkness, stroking my hand as he gently brought me out of my nightmare. I felt goosebumps on my arms with the epiphany so fresh. I have nothing to fear. I have nothing to fear. I repeated the words in my mind several times, willing myself not to forget the dream and its revelation as we both fell back into slumber.
When morning came, I awoke with a sense of peace. I don’t pretend to understand everything or to think that one dream will necessarily change my life. However, I do know that fear has been my adversary for as long as I can remember, preventing me from breaking through to my best self over and over again. Perhaps my Christmas gift to myself this year will be to finally render it powerless once and for all- possibly the greatest gift I could hope for…and one that I am finally ready to receive.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a New Year full of blessings to you all!