Our trip to Seacrest Beach was amazing, medicinal, healing. Soul-quenching. And then I walked right back into reality. And it hurt. A lot. No, literally; I was teaching a lesson, turned my head and it stuck for a moment, followed by a loud crack and lots of pain, more cracking and sharp and unexpected pain. After that, I could barely turn my head to drive home. Stress, anyone? My body is telling me I needed more time floating in the ocean, but sadly, that is the last thing I will be able to do for quite some time.
My welcome home brigade…guilt, anyone?
I’m no stranger to stress, and October, typically the month of my faculty recital, has habitually been a difficult stretch often driving me to the brink of sanity. I seem to be hell-bent on giving myself an ulcer or a heart attack this time around- I’m not sure which- all exciting and wonderful things, but too much. My lesson continues to be to learn how to push myself and have these great experiences without taking on so much that I feel overwhelmed and like I’m holding on by my fingernails. I keep trying to picture the beach, to hear the sounds of the waves crashing into the shore and feel my toes in the sand. Mind medicine. I want to find that peace, but it seems to have washed away, along with my suntan lotion.
I just returned from the first and shortest of my three October trips, this time to Ft. Worth, Texas. While it was a business trip from beginning to end, it did involve getting to experience a lovely city, hearing a wonderful orchestra concert, and eating some great food. Bass Concert Hall, home of the Ft. Worth Symphony, took my breath away- beautiful inside and out!
Dinner at Joe T. Garcia’s was an experience that is difficult to describe; some of the best Mexican food I have ever eaten in a true outdoor oasis. I was wishing that Dan could have been there; he would have gone wild over all of the plants, statuary, and fountains- not to mention the cheese enchiladas.
I love to travel and see new places, but I have to admit that it stresses me out; leaving home, leaving Dan and the animals, my students and my duties. I am such a routine oriented gal…which is why travel is so important. i don’t want to miss out on life because I’m hiding away in my safe routine at home all the time. I spent over an hour this evening packing and unpacking, trying to pare down and pack for a five day trip to Vancouver to perform two recitals and present a lecture on my book. Wonderful things, but being away from my normal schedule, from the psychic safety of home, away from my normal practice routine as my faculty recital approaches…it keeps me up at night.
That I will only be home for less than twelve hours before getting on a plane to Bari, Italy, just ramps it all up. I am so thankful to do these things…I’m just hoping that I can learn to spread the love somewhat. But…Italy. One of my favorite places in the world.
I’m doing my best to stay on top of things, to enjoy home while I’m here, and to enjoy my beloved routine. It sure is making it tough to stick to my healthy eating plan…perhaps I’ll figure that out, too, as I’m navigating airports and long flights, all while trying hard not to stress-eat an airplane.
I’m also doing my best to take care of my physical ‘stuff’; going to my physical therapist to try to get my neck and back cooperating so that I can focus on the jobs at hand…one day at a time. Life is certainly never dull, but I never want to shy away from doing these things that stretch me and scare the bejesus out of me. Only then…only then do I grow. For now…clicking the heels of my size ten ruby slippers and enjoying just a couple of days of normalcy before the adventure continues.