That Voodoo that You Do

According to Wikipedia:

Our day began with such promise; I took Marley for a good walk/run first thing, we went to the dry cleaners, and then to finally have my car detailed at the car wash. It looked so good! After that we headed to Lowe’s, with plans to go to Costco afterwards. My first Monday after the semester ended was picture perfect!

So, I just have one request; could whoever took the Gainey voodoo doll out for a spin today please take a chill pill? The reason for my request? In the matter of one hour before noon:

  • I impaled my kneecap while getting out of my car after having it detailed (the guy left the steering wheel tilt paddle down and I didn’t notice it until I was a weeping mess in the parking lot at Lowe’s, hardly able to walk. How can that little amount of skin and cartilage hurt so much?
  • At the same parking lot, Dan loaded the trunk of my Mini Countryman after we finished shopping and- trying to keep a bag from falling out- slammed the hatch down…right onto the bridge of his nose. It was awful and looks (and feels!) terrible. Mr. MacKenzie is done with projects for the day.
  • Once we got home and I dropped Dan off at the side gate I drove up the hill to my garage, during which time the gallon can of paint we bought tipped over. I very carefully opened the same hatch that had just injured Dan and reached under it for the paint can…which then fell on my right foot, hit the garage floor, splattering white paint all over my garage floor and my arm.

My theory is that my car was angry that I’d waited so long to clean him up after hauling plants, soil, and yard waste…oh, and carting a very beautiful-but-hairy Marley the Husky in the back seat. It’s been a busy semester, and I’ve just not made the time to drive to the car wash. Today was payback, I have zero doubt. I have a Mini with a ‘tude.One angry Mini…

Dan is now resting on the couch and I am cowering in fear in my chair while icing my knee and trying to scrape the remaining white paint off of my hands and arms

I’m hoping against hope that neither of us will end up in the ER by the end of the day. My wonderful nurse friend, Tess, talked me through what to do to care for Dan, so I took Marley and headed down the hill to the CVS to buy supplies to clean and care for his wound. I decided we both needed a bit of medicinal Ben and Jerry’s, too, after this day from hell. Difficult times call for drastic measures.

By the way, all of this happened just after we were joking about how clumsy we both are…because it’s true. If something can be tripped over, run into, has sharp edges…well, you get the idea- we will somehow manage to injure ourselves. Thus, the Gainey Wing at UAB Highlands Hospital.

Today was the trifecta, though- both Gaineys taken down in less than an hour. That’s one voodoo doll that I don’t ever want to meet in an alley. Here’s hoping for little mercies tomorrow; no drama, no pain. Until then, where’s my Half-Baked and my spoon? After that, we’re considering full-body bubble wrap.


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