How Many?

How many years have I wasted on fear?

Fear that I am somehow lacking

no matter how hard I work;

fear of things that would indeed come to pass,

fear about things that never would.

Why, when something good happens,

when I feel great happiness,

am I terrified that that something will happen to take it all from me?

Why do I live in a constant state of anxiety,

waiting for the other shoe to drop?

I am better than this, I know;

Or maybe I don’t.

Every reaction ingrained,

I seem predestined to cower in the shadows,

never allowing the full light of the sun to shine on my face.

I’m so weary of being chained to fear,

dreaming of the day I finally break free

and truly live my life,

all barriers shattered,

light streaming all around me.

4 thoughts on “How Many?

  1. Being a person with our human neurology is a complicated boat, often with feelings and responses that aren’t that comfortable! It’s not our fault or blame that our neurology and stress responses act that way. In fact, it’s a sign we’re functioning as we were evolutionarily designed to for maximizing our survival! And sometimes, we can have a dual response: aware of the discomfort and its origin and purpose, while also being aware of all that’s beautiful and good surrounding this temporary discomfort. It’s tough to be a person!

  2. Some are born carefree and others take on the anxiety of all of creation. I hope you can set aside some of the worry so that you can turn and feel the sun on your face…

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