Twas the night before Christmas
when all through the ‘hood,
our creatures were stirring, but still being good.
The stockings were hung on the mantle with care,
well lit by Mr. MacKenzie’s LED flare.
Snuggled in our jammies by a cozy bright fire,
a cocktail in hand, we’d begun to conspire;
what could we do to feel the holiday spirit?
When out on the sunporch we could suddenly hear it!
A clatter ensued as the gate rattled shut,
And we ran to the door in time to see…what?!
A large man was there, dressed all in red with white trim,
and he came bearing gifts that he swore were from him.
But I shook my head no and called out with pride,
For ‘Amazon Prime’ was emblazoned on each side.
Now I know Santa’s busy, that jolly old elf,
But these packages contained things I had ordered myself!
On Marley? On Sophie? On Shiva? I can’t choose-
Just chase down this man who was stealing my shoes!
It was Shiva who took on the job with great pride,
as the man ran away in time to save his red hide.
The moral of the story if you made it this far,
don’t mess with our packages- or visit the ER!
Our cat is a demon with claws through and through,
and she’d love the chance to get to eat YOU.
As we went back inside and turned off the light,
Dan said, “Merry Christmas? Wow, what a wild, crazy night!”
The View from Here 
Hahaha! I love your retelling of this story! There had been a spate of porch thieves around my neighborhood too. Lucky for us many of our neighbors are retired and take it upon themselves to be a neighborhood watch of sorts. A strange car pulls up to our house and already the make/model and license number have been recorded… They have been responsible for nabbing 2 miscreants so far. I think the word is out and the thieves are targeting other areas.
Thanks so much! Sorry that your neighborhood has dealt with this, too.